You are more than the choices that you make
Something I have been struggling with is worth. I can't seem to find out why I feel so unworthy and why I keep trying to convince myself why God should not love me. I know that I am a sinner, and I do not deserve His love. Not a single one of us does, why should He, a perfect, powerful God love us? He chooses to love us though because He wants us. No matter how much we do not like ourselves, or how broken we feel, God wants us. He longs for us. This school year has definitely been much different then last year. I have lost a ton of friends because of the selfish things they have wanted to do. I have been hurt by some of my closest friends that I never thought would hurt me. And I have realized that I cannot trust the people I always thought I could.
I always knew God could speak to me. I have heard Him before, but I never knew He would speak such powerful words into my life last semester for me to write down to find this semester when I was struggling so much. He knows all and knows what we need to hear when we need to hear. He just allows us to see how close He is and how He is working even when we feel like we are surrounded by complete and utter darkness. When we feel like we've lost so many people we cared about, and our hearts are broken and falling apart, He comes in and shows us what real love is.
I found a note from God that I wrote myself in my journal last semester. I wrote this last semester not understanding it, or why God told me all the things He did in the note because I knew everything that it said, and I was not struggling with anything the note said. After finding it this semester I know that God gave me the words that I poured out into my journal to encourage me when I was in such a dark time.
The note says " Stop searching Mallorie and let Me love you. Let Me be the one you long to talk to and be with at all times princess. I have loved you since before time. The way I have loved you is the purest way that anyone could ever love you. I know you are scared, I know you have trouble trusting, but I am here to hold you. When thing hurt you I am here to comfort you. I will stand by you and weather any storm with you. And you need to know you will never walk through any fire alone. Do you understand I will never hurt you the way that others have hurt you? I will never lie to you - I will always tell you the truth. I will never leave you - I will always be by your side. I wont tell you that you will always be happy, because there will be days of sorrow, anger, pain, and confusion, but if you abide in Me I will take the sting away!!! I am not only your Father who provides for your wants and needs. I am not just your Rock to stand on when all other grounds around you turn into sinking sand. I am not just your Safe Haven that you go to because it is a familiar place. I am not just your caretaker who cares for you and cures you. I am not just your protector who fights away evil, and protects you from sin.I am your Lover Mallorie, I love you. I desire to have you and your full attention. I am the Lover who sits and listens to every word you say. I want you to tell me your every thought. I want you to voice your thought to me for I already know them, but I desire to communicate with you My daughter. My darling I find you beautiful and worthy. For me you never ever have to question your worth. You never have to ask if you are worth it. I sent My son to die for you so that you could be redeemed and clothed with righteousness. I let Him take all of hell and all the wrath just so I could call you mine My beloved. All the things of your past are gone. You have been forgiven and now all I need you to do is to forgive yourself. I need you to also love yourself the way I love you. You are the one that I want and you have a need and a desire for me. So fill that longing by coming to me even when it is hard. Talk with Me, give Me your all My love. I want to heal what has been broken, but I have to do that while you are alone with Me. I do not want to just patch your heart, I want to give you a completely new heart. I want to revive your life and breath my love into your lungs. I want to make My daughter feel wanted so she does not have to search any where else for the love she wants. My beloved do you still not comprehend My vast love for you? Do you finally understand the way I love you? Its is not like any other. Be mine, all mine because I am so jealous for you. No matter how far you run from Me, or how you try to push Me away because you are scared, I will always be right here. Mallorie I will always think of you as my princess. Remember I called you beloved when there was nothing lovely about you. Knowing all I still love you. Do you get it yet? I am sending so much love your way and all I need you to do is to accept it."
This really touched me and showed me that God knows our future and what we need to see. I know that this is personal love note from the Lord to me in my time of brokeness and sorrow. I know that I do not deserve the grace He gives me and I do not deserve to be forgiven when I continue to do the same thing over again that only leaves me hurt and empty. That is all the things of the world will ever do for you, is leave you hurt and empty. The things of this world will never satisfy our longing and thirst. The only thing that will is our God who is greater than any pain, or struggle we are going through. So remember, when you hate yourself, and what you become, when you are so disappointed in yourself and feel like you are not worth anything God is calling out to you. He is saying " I called you beloved when there was nothing lovely about you, and I have loved you and never wanted you more than I do now. Come home to me and let me bandage you. Do not let the world keep taking its strikes and knocking you down. I will wait patiently for you to come to Me because I want you so bad. My longing is for you My love."
I always knew God could speak to me. I have heard Him before, but I never knew He would speak such powerful words into my life last semester for me to write down to find this semester when I was struggling so much. He knows all and knows what we need to hear when we need to hear. He just allows us to see how close He is and how He is working even when we feel like we are surrounded by complete and utter darkness. When we feel like we've lost so many people we cared about, and our hearts are broken and falling apart, He comes in and shows us what real love is.
I found a note from God that I wrote myself in my journal last semester. I wrote this last semester not understanding it, or why God told me all the things He did in the note because I knew everything that it said, and I was not struggling with anything the note said. After finding it this semester I know that God gave me the words that I poured out into my journal to encourage me when I was in such a dark time.
The note says " Stop searching Mallorie and let Me love you. Let Me be the one you long to talk to and be with at all times princess. I have loved you since before time. The way I have loved you is the purest way that anyone could ever love you. I know you are scared, I know you have trouble trusting, but I am here to hold you. When thing hurt you I am here to comfort you. I will stand by you and weather any storm with you. And you need to know you will never walk through any fire alone. Do you understand I will never hurt you the way that others have hurt you? I will never lie to you - I will always tell you the truth. I will never leave you - I will always be by your side. I wont tell you that you will always be happy, because there will be days of sorrow, anger, pain, and confusion, but if you abide in Me I will take the sting away!!! I am not only your Father who provides for your wants and needs. I am not just your Rock to stand on when all other grounds around you turn into sinking sand. I am not just your Safe Haven that you go to because it is a familiar place. I am not just your caretaker who cares for you and cures you. I am not just your protector who fights away evil, and protects you from sin.I am your Lover Mallorie, I love you. I desire to have you and your full attention. I am the Lover who sits and listens to every word you say. I want you to tell me your every thought. I want you to voice your thought to me for I already know them, but I desire to communicate with you My daughter. My darling I find you beautiful and worthy. For me you never ever have to question your worth. You never have to ask if you are worth it. I sent My son to die for you so that you could be redeemed and clothed with righteousness. I let Him take all of hell and all the wrath just so I could call you mine My beloved. All the things of your past are gone. You have been forgiven and now all I need you to do is to forgive yourself. I need you to also love yourself the way I love you. You are the one that I want and you have a need and a desire for me. So fill that longing by coming to me even when it is hard. Talk with Me, give Me your all My love. I want to heal what has been broken, but I have to do that while you are alone with Me. I do not want to just patch your heart, I want to give you a completely new heart. I want to revive your life and breath my love into your lungs. I want to make My daughter feel wanted so she does not have to search any where else for the love she wants. My beloved do you still not comprehend My vast love for you? Do you finally understand the way I love you? Its is not like any other. Be mine, all mine because I am so jealous for you. No matter how far you run from Me, or how you try to push Me away because you are scared, I will always be right here. Mallorie I will always think of you as my princess. Remember I called you beloved when there was nothing lovely about you. Knowing all I still love you. Do you get it yet? I am sending so much love your way and all I need you to do is to accept it."
This really touched me and showed me that God knows our future and what we need to see. I know that this is personal love note from the Lord to me in my time of brokeness and sorrow. I know that I do not deserve the grace He gives me and I do not deserve to be forgiven when I continue to do the same thing over again that only leaves me hurt and empty. That is all the things of the world will ever do for you, is leave you hurt and empty. The things of this world will never satisfy our longing and thirst. The only thing that will is our God who is greater than any pain, or struggle we are going through. So remember, when you hate yourself, and what you become, when you are so disappointed in yourself and feel like you are not worth anything God is calling out to you. He is saying " I called you beloved when there was nothing lovely about you, and I have loved you and never wanted you more than I do now. Come home to me and let me bandage you. Do not let the world keep taking its strikes and knocking you down. I will wait patiently for you to come to Me because I want you so bad. My longing is for you My love."
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