Dancing Away

I have always felt broken, I have always felt lost. I am the girl that never could find love any where she looked for it. I was always searching. I was never good enough. I always felt like nothing I ever did would ever be good enough for anyone. I was hurting and aching inside. I thought I was dying. I never understood love or true love. I thought no one would ever or could ever love me because of the things I have done. I felt ashamed and dirty. I always walked around with my head down, broken on the inside. Guys made me feel like trash the way they treated me. I started to fall into so many lies about myself. Lies like I'm not pretty enough or that I'm not smart enough, lies like I'll never find what love is. I have literally had guy after guy after guy come in and just play with my heart, and then leave and I don't want that. As a girl all we want is love. We want to know love and we want to be loved. I gave up on everything, I just kept thinking I would never find someone to love me and God stepped in.  God stepped in and showed me His love. This week all week I feel like God has just been dancing with me. He has been holding me in His arms and just spinning me around. It has been just me and God in a huge ballroom. The floor is the most beautiful white marble, and the whole ballroom is just covered in gold and purple. God literally is just spinning me around the way a prince would spin his princess. Every turn you can just see how gentle He is with me. Since He has encountered me I feel so alive, I feel special. And for once I actually feel loved, something I have never felt. He is spoiling me with such a pure love. As the Lord spins me around around I just feel His love falling on me. It is all around me like sparkles and beams of sunlight just falling all around us. I take my eyes off of God and I look down at my dress. I have just enough time to look and see that I am in this beautiful white gown that has purple, gold, and turquoise on it. As I am looking down at this dress I am in God lifts my face back up to look at Him. He wants my full attention on Him. My eyes are to be no where else at this moment. He is looking at me and only me, and thats how He wants me to be. Looking at Him and only Him. I am the one who He is captivated with, the one He is jealous for. For once I do not have to compete with another for the attention I have always yearned for. God does not make me feel as if I am not good enough for Him. I have always been good enough for Him, and He has always longed for me. He keeps dancing with me, and He just keeps drawing me closer. I learn to trust Him because He leads me. He is not like any other that I have danced with. He does not step on my toes when we dance. He holds me close enough so I feel safe. He is the most beautiful dancer, and even though I can not dance, He delights in it. He teaches me, step by step, He is teaching me how to dance. He does not judge or throw me to the side when I mess up or make a mistake. He says " My princess, follow Me and let Me lead." No one looks at  me or values me the way He does. He sees no flaw or blemish in me. He only sees a pure, gorgeous princess that is completely in awe of Him. He keeps spinning me as I laugh and smile because I am so happy to be in His holy presence. I am so happy to finally receive love. A love that does not judge me by my past. A love that accepts who I am. I am happy because I know nothing I do will make Him love me less. God is always going to be captivated by me. The hurt from my past is gone. The lies about how I was not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough that have been poured out over me are not true. God just looks at me and sees no flaw. He does not want to let go of me. I am perfectly okay with that. So we keep dancing. He won't let me go because He is jealous for me and wants me to only Himself. He wants me to set myself apart to just be with Him. He does not want anyone else to have my attention. He wants it all for Himself because He loves me. He wants my full attention, both eyes on him. So as He keeps holding me close I give all my attention to Him. I am a princess completely captivated by her King. He is wooing me, literally taking me to newer and higher places. The best part is I know that He will never hurt me or leave me. He will never treat me the way any of the other men in my life did. I have tried to find love and happiness in all the wrong places. It has just caused a lot of pain, confusion and sorrow, but my King is fixing my heart. Instead of a crown He is giving me a new heart. He loves me so much. God is a good, loving, captivating, powerful, merciful, gracious God. I thank Him for that all the time. He loves me like no other. Just His love is enough to make me feel wanted. God's love for me is enough. My king has captivated me and we keep dancing away into the night.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Oh, You Hold me, Forever You Hold Me.

Today in Convocation I heard a song and it said "Lord Your love it runs so deep every breath You breathe in me You don't give up on me and as long as my heart beats I know You will carry me You don't give up on me." This song means so much to me because I used to be so prideful and self-righteous that I though God had given up on me and I was a lost cause. That not even Jesus could forgive me and cleanse me of my sins. I know a lot of people that also say," I'm too far gone." But do they know that by saying this they are saying, "What Jesus did on the cross is not big enough to cover my sins."  Do you realize what you say when you say Jesus would not even forgive you for the things that you do. You are disrespecting God and telling Him He is not powerful enough. God is ALL MIGHTY! He is so powerful He does not even need us, He wants us. God does not give up on His children, not a single one of us. God pursues us in the purest way there is. He
Read more

Jesus Calms a Storm

For so many people it is so easy to worship and praise Jesus when everything is going right. When life is good and you are being surrounded by your friends and family and things seem to be going how you want. You are happy and for you it is easy to praise God and talk about how great our Father is.  But what happens to that joy and happiness when something goes wrong? What happens when something you think is so unfair occurs?  When a friend is taken out of your life unexpectedly? Some times when bad things happen we find ourselves wanting to blame God and we start to question Him. We do not stop to think how God was in the situation we only focus on the tragedy that occurred.  Yesterday some of my friends went hiking. They just wanted to enjoy a day that God had blessed us with. While hiking one of our friends fell an died. Faith Helbig was a sweet, outspoken, spunky, lively girl. I had the honor of getting to know her. She was a light to many. Her heart was beautiful and she wa
Read more

Though we don't understand our Father does.

If I had all the answers to life that would be great. If I knew why bad things happened to great people I would be content. But I don't understand why good people die in unfortunate ways, and I don't know why it has to happen to someone who was so harmless. Recently my dad dragged me to Alaska. Not wanting to go of course I still went. I was very weary how things would go just me and dad in Alaska for over a week. Well I got there late that night and the next morning dad was dragging me to work. I so didn't want to go sit in an office all day, but I just didn't know what God had planned for me. My dad had a secretary named Lavonna, and she was a pistol let me tell you. She was a sweet, caring woman, but she didn't take crap from anyone. She would do whatever it takes to take care of someone even someone who has hurt her. She was a strong willed woman who worked hard. Over the week Mrs Lavonna and I got really close. We would ride around and do things for dad, but
Read more