Yearning Soul
The last 6 months I have been questioning myself every time I find myself in worship. I can barely make it through songs I have listened to over and over without breaking down in tears. In my car, in my prayer room, at church I constantly have found myself crying. I have showed up to Ed's job red faced, puffy eyes and he has questioned why I had been crying and all I could tell him was because of Jesus, and Him moving my heart with songs. Sometimes it is just tears streaming down my face and others it is deep sobs. I just have not been able to understand why I am crying. I have struggles, and trials, but nothing that I should be crying over because I know even the bad God can use it to work for good and His glory if I turn it over to Him in prayer. So I have started praying and asking God why this is always happening to me, and revealed because it is what I prayed for.
Around May 2019 I started praying that God would break my heart for what breaks His. I prayed that He would never let me become complacent when I am not necessarily hurting. I still need His relentless love and grace and I didn't want to stop crying out when I was happy, and okay like I did when I was hurting. I prayed to be a woman after Gods own heart. King David was known as " a man after Gods own heart". David wrote Psalms where he cries out to God, laments, and even dances in rejoicing before the Lord. In Psalm 84:2 it says " My soul yearns, yes, even pines and is homesick for the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh cry out and sing for the joy to the living God." The Psalmist desired to be in God's presence so deeply that his heart and his flesh cried out.
The deep outpouring that the Psalmist showed indicates matters of extreme importance to God. Sometimes crying during worship is because your heart is so touched by the Holy Spirit you cannot help but release that emotion. Our earthly bodies are simply not capable of containing the immensity of the Holy Spirit. Sometime crying during worship is just listening to the words of the song and realizing that God uses broken people to reach those who are broken. Sometimes crying during worship is just being so overwhelmed by the love that God has for us even though we are sinners, and feel so undeserving of such a pure beautiful love. Whatever the reason is I have learned to not be ashamed that the Lord has touched my heart. I have learned that emotion is a gift of the Spirit.
Today in church one of my favorite songs were sang its called Highlands by Hillsong United. The lyrics are just such a beautiful reminder of how whether we are in the valley or on the hilltop that God has not left, and He has not changed so neither should my praise.
Around May 2019 I started praying that God would break my heart for what breaks His. I prayed that He would never let me become complacent when I am not necessarily hurting. I still need His relentless love and grace and I didn't want to stop crying out when I was happy, and okay like I did when I was hurting. I prayed to be a woman after Gods own heart. King David was known as " a man after Gods own heart". David wrote Psalms where he cries out to God, laments, and even dances in rejoicing before the Lord. In Psalm 84:2 it says " My soul yearns, yes, even pines and is homesick for the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh cry out and sing for the joy to the living God." The Psalmist desired to be in God's presence so deeply that his heart and his flesh cried out.
The deep outpouring that the Psalmist showed indicates matters of extreme importance to God. Sometimes crying during worship is because your heart is so touched by the Holy Spirit you cannot help but release that emotion. Our earthly bodies are simply not capable of containing the immensity of the Holy Spirit. Sometime crying during worship is just listening to the words of the song and realizing that God uses broken people to reach those who are broken. Sometimes crying during worship is just being so overwhelmed by the love that God has for us even though we are sinners, and feel so undeserving of such a pure beautiful love. Whatever the reason is I have learned to not be ashamed that the Lord has touched my heart. I have learned that emotion is a gift of the Spirit.
Today in church one of my favorite songs were sang its called Highlands by Hillsong United. The lyrics are just such a beautiful reminder of how whether we are in the valley or on the hilltop that God has not left, and He has not changed so neither should my praise.
"In the highlands and the heartache
You're neither more or less inclined
I would search and stop at nothing
You're just not that hard to find
So I will praise You on the mountain
And I will praise You when the mountain's in my way
You're the summit where my feet are
So I will praise You in the valleys all the same
No less God within the shadows
No less faithful when the night leads me astray
You're the heaven where my heart is
In the highlands and the heartache all the same"
And I will praise You when the mountain's in my way
You're the summit where my feet are
So I will praise You in the valleys all the same
No less God within the shadows
No less faithful when the night leads me astray
You're the heaven where my heart is
In the highlands and the heartache all the same"
I am so thankful that God has made my heart so tender to receive His beautiful love. I will relish in this emotion and gift that the Lord has given to me and I will pray it will only bring glory to Him.
Comments
Post a Comment